Understanding Habit Training - Charlotte Mason Method

There is one subject that we include in our schedule every day without fail. I consider it the most important subject that I teach. It is called Habit Training. Yes, this term sounded peculiar to me, too, when I first heard it.

When I thought of habits, I would think of brushing your teeth or eating healthy snacks. These are not the kinds of habits that are taught in a Charlotte Mason style curriculum.

Charlotte Mason Habits

Charlotte Mason believed that everything a child does can be traced back to habit. She taught habits like attention, generosity, and truthfulness.

Charlotte Mason believed that “The habits of the child produce the character of the man.” This is why habit training is our most important subject. I am instilling in my children habits that will change their entire life.

“Habit Is Ten Natures.”

Some things just come naturally to a child. Our nature is made up of many things. Our genetics and our environment both have an enormous impact on our nature as a human being. Even though our natural inclination is strong, Charlotte Mason believed that habit is stronger. The child that habitually lies does so to stay out of trouble. The child who is kind has a habit of unselfishness. The child who won’t share has a habit of stinginess. Once a habit is taught, it trumps natural inclination.

“Sow a Habit, Reap a Character.”

But we must go a step further back, we must sow the idea or notion which makes the act worthwhile.

— Charlotte Mason

When I first began to study this idea, I questioned whether moral values could simply become habits. They are matters of the heart, after all, and you can’t make a child care. You can’t change their heart.

As I dug deeper into this concept, I discovered that you do have to get to the heart first and that is exactly the approach that Charlotte Mason teaches.

When I introduce a new habit to my children, I explain to them the why behind it.

Kids must understand why it is important before it can begin to sink into their hearts. We recently started working on the habit of truthfulness.

I explained to them that lying was wrong; all lying. I showed them examples of how lying can hurt others and themselves and that the consequences of it are serious. We read the story of “The Boy Who Cried, Wolf.” I asked them what they learned from this story, and I could tell that they got it. They understood how dangerous and wrong lying is and I could tell that I had reached their hearts.

Developing Habits Takes Time

Charlotte didn’t rush through anything. She understood the process that it takes for a habit to form and she was very patient. She taught that habits should be worked on exclusively for 6 weeks or longer.

This process is a daily endeavor. Each day, we review what we have learned so far and discuss what progress or setbacks each child has had. Every few days, I read them another story illustrating the current habit and I ask the kids what they learned from the story. We read and memorize Bible verses that support our new habit, as well.

In the following days, we discuss what lying is and what isn’t. Is stretching the truth lying? How about if you lie for a good cause? What about telling part of the truth? These are all questions that we discuss in detail until I am sure that the answers to them have gotten into their sub conscience.

This is the easy part. Teaching a habit is fun and the kids even get excited to “prove” that they, too, can model these behaviors. The training is the real work.

The Reminders

The teaching about a habit and the stories to reinforce it are important but at the core of this method is the moment-by-moment training and reminders. This is where the parent’s job really begins. You must be watchful and diligent to not let even one slip-up occur. Every time you allow the smallest untruth to slide, you are telling your child that it is acceptable and that everything that you told them is of no consequence.

Once you do catch them in an untruth, then you remind them about the lessons that you have been learning and you ask them if they are sure that that is entirely true. Sometimes this will be enough to prick their conscience and remind them that they want to be a truthful person.

Sometimes, the child will push the boundaries and continue to lie. Let them know that you know they are lying and remind them of why they want to tell the truth. Be very patient. This part of the process takes time.

In time, you should aim for letting some other thing become a cue that they are off track other than yourself. The goal is for the child to remind themselves.

I usually start with, “Remember…,” and they will say, “Oh, yeah, well, the whole truth is…”

Building Habit by Habit

It may seem overwhelming to think about all that they need to learn and to stay with each one for six weeks, but with each small success, you are making your own world and that of your children, better.

At the end of the weeks working on a habit, we celebrate. The kids love to see the progress that they have made and this motivates them to start a new habit. As you do start a new one, remember to be diligent about keeping the old ones, too, always building on what they have learned.

The example that I gave you was how we worked on truthfulness, but the same principles apply to all of the habits. Whether it’s imagining, cleanliness, concentration, respect, or thankfulness, they can all be taught this same way. There is a great list of habit here. We use a resource called Laying Down the Rails to help teach habits in our homeschool.

Once these habits become a part of your child’s way of thinking, they will be automatic. You are giving them a great gift and are ensuring for them, and for yourself, a wonderful life.