Tips For Getting Highly Spirited Children To Start The School Day

I love Facebook groups. There is a constant stream of helpful discussions. This is one of the most recent that I found insightful enough to share. A homeschool mom asked:

Okay, need some advice. I have one child who is a happy homeschooler, always willing to do her work and agreeable. My other child, not so much. (They are both 7). Generally, no matter how many warnings I give, the transition to start school for him is a disaster. He cries. He throws tantrums. He spends the majority of the first 30 minutes in some sort of fit. I have tried: patience, ignoring, discipline (giving him chores to do if he won't calm down and get to work), and today, I finally had to just put him down for a nap because he just. wouldn't. stop. Usually, after his initial freak out, he's fine and seems to enjoy school time.

So, for those who have, ahem, Highly Spirited Children, how do you help them transition to school time? Should we start with read-alouds or something? What works?

This is a question that I really appreciate--having had similar experiences myself.

After reading the discussion I learned that he did not actually sleep when she stepped away for nap-time. Even though he might seem tired, this is a daily occurrence even when he isn't tired. Here are some of my proposals, and the best proposals the group could offer.

Make a checklist

Make a checklist each day so he sees that he's a step closer to "freedom" as he completes each task. One option/variation is the "keeper of the chore system," the kids love it around ages 6-10. A checklist has personally helped me, too. My kids know that there is no screen time until all work is complete. It puts the responsibility on them. It also gives them the option to start early and complete all the work they can do by themselves if they feel like finishing school earlier. Starting earlier in the morning helps us, too because the kids can focus better.

Literally, jump on a trampoline

This is my favorite group-think solution. Personally, I don't own a trampoline, but it is just another form of exercise.

We jump on the trampoline to get out our crazys, and then start with a warm up (like finding beads in play dough before handwriting, or playing a letter game before reading, or singing our days of the week song or month song and dancing before math) My son needs that transition time to get his mind around school.

Exercise before school

Transitioning from the trampoline, exercise is an absolute must. If your child is rowdy, a great time to exercise is directly before school. If all you're doing is "play time" before school starts, consider ramping it up a bit. Children, especially boys, need to move their big muscles before they're expected to use the little ones or sit "nicely."

Push-ups, wall push-ups, jumping, crashing into pillows, jumping jacks, etc.

Focus on the schedule

John Rosemond has some great parenting advise. No matter how many warnings you give, the problem seems to persist? That may be the problem right there.

Set up the schedule, go over it with them, set them up to succeed (clock they can read, ONE reminder alarm of school in 15 minutes when timer goes off type thing, etc.) and then when the time comes if he gives you trouble simply say, "you may join us at the table when you are ready to follow along, until then go to your room."

Might he fall behind for a couple days if he chooses to stay in his room?

Maybe.

But longer lesson is worth it.

When he's in his room, especially if it gets to day two and three, you may just decide to do down extra fun thing that he's sure to notice or hear you doing, and at which time he's likely to come down and be 'ready to do school now' to which you'll reply awesome so glad but you'll have to wait while we finish up this project we started, I'll call you down when we are done. (Don't be snide, be filled with empathy but allow natural consequences to do their trick). Do your best to avoid, "I told you so," comments.

Love and Respect in the Family: The Respect Parents Desire; The Love Children Need by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (via Amazon) is a really helpful book too for getting your child on board with listening.

Create a visual schedule

You might also consider a visual schedule so he understands the transitions better. We did this at the beginning of the school year this year to help better transition in the afternoon/evening. Using a clock helps to ensure I'm not the bad guy; it is what it is.

What if my homeschool doesn't start at a fixed time every day?

If he's struggling and you need to gain control of the day, I'd say that a schedule may be a good thing. Otherwise, you have chaos and no way to really contain it because he has no 'norm' to fit into the groove of.

Appoint Dad as a principle

I had never heard this one before, and it was my personal favorite insight. This won't work for single-parent homeschoolers, but dad could be replaced by granddad, uncle, godfather, etc.

The idea is to turn Dad into "Principle Dad." Call your husband and have him talk to the child that acts up or does not listen.

Other helpful comments and thoughts

My son used to do this and I believe it was anxiety driven. He didn't want to have to work hard to learn something because he thought he was dumb for not simply knowing it out figuring it out quickly. It got much worse when we began more in depth writing and double digit multiplication.

Have you discussed his behavior and asked him why he behaves like this? If he cannot answer, tell him you need his help investigating his feelings so you guys can come up with a solution to help him. Maybe if he could decide what order you do subjects, he could feel more invested.

Ask your son what the problem is and why he doesn't want to do school? Once he's explained the "problem" to you ask him how to "solve" it. If it sounds reasonable then go with it. If the problems continue then you can point it back to him. I have a very strong will child and most of the time he behaves the way you are describing your son it is because he doesn't feel like he has any "control" so by offering him choices that really don't matter to me he feels like he is not being controlled/bossed. I would highly suggest getting a few books by Cynthia Tobias from your library. She has great insights on strong willed children and learning styles. Her learning styles are more on how different people gather and retain information. It helped me to realize that God had made my son different than me and that he wasn't "out to get me" as his life's goal.

Some of my ADHDers actually do better without free time...school starts immediately after breakfast. ETA: I mean, without starting the day by playing. They do need frequent breaks, but it's best if they happen after we've begun, and if they are measurable, like 1 TV show, 1 game, etc.

When our twin girls started with school, one of them would act up and not want to do school work. The one who started later had to continue to do school work after the other one was done to catch up. Eventually they both have become more mature at age 9, and will start at the same time. Each child learns differently.

Conclusion

The biggest takeaway is that every child is unique and responds to different discipline, structure, incentives, and learning styles/methods. It's important to try new things, and structure is often more important than you might realize.

This advice and some of the comments were simply too good not to share. I know I learned some new tips and I hope you did as well! Feel free to comment with your favorite tips and tricks!