10 Activities for Tough Parenting Days

There are days as a parent when nothing seems to go smoothly. You’ve been up all night with a teething baby, you’re older child woke up for the day at 4:45 (right after you’d finally gotten the baby back to sleep) and is now behaving like what can only be described as a crazed lunatic. You’ve just realized after barely recovering from slipping on yet another alphabet fridge magnet that you forgot to pick up coffee at the store yesterday because you were rushing to get out of there before the clerk realized that the mess all over the floor was a result of your first born using his toy excavator to scope and load ground flax seeds in the bulk bin section. Now your coffee withdrawal headache is on the verge of turning into a full-blown migraine thanks to the increasingly hysterical hollering of your 4 year old who is demanding you find his Lego city worker’s visor (an infinitely tiny piece of clear plastic definitely residing somewhere amidst the 3 very large bins of equally tiny pieces of plastic). You haven’t made breakfast yet because, as noted, there is no coffee to be had and your baby is starting to fuss because he’s hungry. Now both kids are screaming and you’re nervous system is on a short-circuit repeat.

On days like this I remember my former life; namely, how utterly civilized it was. Days when I could afford really good quality coffee and could drink it sitting down. Of course, I know those days will return, perhaps sooner than I’d like, and so I try to muster up the strength to feel my feet on the ground, take a deep breath and attend to the needs of both myself and my children as best I can.

Here are my go-to’s for tough mama days. With any luck, these will help you not only survive the day, but actually enjoy yourself and your kids.

1. Take care of yourself in whatever way you can

Before trying to do anything else be sure to give yourself something, however minor. While every parent has heard the line about putting your own oxygen mask on first, how often to we really remember this when we get overwhelmed? When I get overwhelmed by the demands of my children (and more often by those I put on myself) my instinct is to want to run. Not to go for a jog; no, I mean actually run away from home. Obviously, this is not possible when you have children (and if fact it’s illegal so I’m not advising it). With young children you can’t even hide in another room because they simply follow you wherever you go. Taking care of me in these moments therefore has to start with a shift in consciousness, a settling in and acceptance of what is. Ok, so the kids are screaming, I’m beyond exhausted and the house is a disaster zone. I can’t run away and there’s no one else to take over. What *can* I do right now? Pick up the baby and make a strong cup of tea (assuming you also forgot to buy coffee). Ask your four year old if he’d like one too (herbal, he certainly doesn’t need the caffeine). Get down low and empathize with his Lego plight, but tell him you need a few minutes to drink your tea. Tell him you’ll help him look for the piece once you’ve put the baby down for his nap. If he continues to make his demands at unconscionable volumes, empathize some more, but keep repeating your mantra, “mama is going to have a cup of tea first.”

2. Bath time

When I’m having a particularly rough parenting day, bath time is one of my favorite go-to activities. When I only had one child I would get in there with him, add some bubbles and toys and just try to enjoy the feel of the water on my skin, the scents, the sounds. There really is nothing like a good soak to help both of you feel better and reconnect. Now with two children I put them in together and enjoy a few moments of what in the mom world is something akin to peace. It might still be loud, it will definitely be wet, but the kids are content and best of all, they’re relatively contained. Yes, my one year old eventually tries to stand up and climb out, but as I said, it’ll get you a couple of minutes. Bring in some safe kitchen utensils (metal measuring spoons, cups, plastic funnels etc.) and the novelty of this will buy you, on average, an extra five minutes. Enough time at least to finish your tea.

3. Make muffins

Baking is a great way to pass the time on a tough day. Most kids adore mixing and measuring. Assuming your house is already a mess, what’s a little more flour or butter stuck to the flour? Not only will this extend snack time, but you’ll have a yummy treat to go with your second or third cup of tea.

4. Get a cardboard box

Want to get the kids busy with an activity that doesn’t involve you getting off the couch (well at least not after you’ve gotten all the supplies in order, cut out the necessary windows, and/or until they can’t get the glue to pour or until they start fighting about who gets to drive). Decorating a cardboard box is a great way to pass a good hour or so. Get some construction paper, glue, scissors, markers, crayons, string, and whatever you have around the house and let the kids go at it. We’ve made ferry boats, race cars, trains, and houses out of what’s in the recycling bin. Just had recycling day? Make a fort.

5. Go for a walk

I know, I know, you’re so tired and don’t want to move, but I swear for me at least parenting is often easier in motion. Bring a sketch pad, pencils, a magnifying glass, some water and a snack and head out to the beach or for a nature walk. My oldest loves to pick up various shells and rocks, sketch trees and check out cool bugs. The little one is pretty content so long as he’s strapped on for the ride. Hell, of course, want to get out and explore a little as well, but aside from keeping him from putting every pebble in his mouth, it’s still a good deal more relaxing than looking at the pile of laundry and dishes waiting for you at home.

6. Go to a playgroup or meet a friend at the park

There’s safety in numbers. Your kids can play and you can connect with other parents. When you’re feeling overwhelmed a sympathetic ear from someone who’s been there does wonders for the soul. Plus sometimes you just need someone to reassure you that you’re not the worst parent in the world and that you haven’t destined your child to a life of despair because the intensive therapy he needs thanks to your parenting is prohibitively expensive and it isn’t covered by his crap job (which is all he could get because you never managed to put enough away in his education fund).

7. Let them help you clean

If you’re feeling ambitious enough or if you’ve had several cups of strong tea, (or perhaps you’ve made it to the store or to the nearest coffee shop), give your kids some spray bottles with water and vinegar and clean the flour and butter and whatever else has made a home there off the kitchen floor. My 1 year old loves to vacuum with a small handheld dust buster or to ‘help’ me mop. Put on some music and get a few things done around the house. I personally feel much better when I can accomplish at least one thing in the cleaning department that needs doing each day.

8. Music party

Get the instruments out and make a family band. Guitars, keyboards, triangles, violins, pots and pans, whatever you’ve got around the house. One morning I even downloaded a cool recording app (ASR) and recorded our session on my phone. After we listened to it, my 4-year-old looked at me in all sincerity and said, “mom, I think we’re going to need more practice.”

9. Audio books and play dough

Audio books from the library are a terrific alternative to screen time. You can listen to them together, read along with the book, or for more kinetic type kids, do some play dough play while you listen. We make our own play dough, which is another easy and fun project to do with kids (see recipe here).

10. Call it a day

You’ve put in your time and there’s certainly nothing wrong with putting the kids to bed a little early. My kids are very early risers (did I mention the 4:45 wake-up?) and so an early bedtime is pretty standard fare around here. But even if you’re kids are night-owls start the bedtime routine as early as you can. There’s something very comforting for me about the post-dinner hours, especially on rough days. It’s a signal that the day is nearing its end. Get them in their pj’s, brush their teeth and start reading. Read as many books as you need to. Snuggle up and relish the sight of their little bodies huddled around you. Take a breath and congratulate yourself on making it through the day, if not always with grace, at the very least with some fond memories to hold on to.